Communication Guidelines

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Why? Having effective communication skills helps bridge gaps between ideals and avoid misunderstandings amongst fellow comrades. Everyone has their own story, their own background, and sometimes that leaves people with a deficiency in how to communicate their feelings without bolstering conflict within the organization or how to resolve conflict once it occurs. This document aims to highlight common issues and provide suggestions when communicating. Use your best judgment when to apply a guideline or not.

Be aware of partiality; inevitably, people develop a preference for those they favor and not with those whom they do not, and people will be more forgiving to those they favor than those they do not. Take this example - someone speeds in and cuts you off in traffic to make their exit and you recognize their car. Your reaction differs based on your relationship with the person:

• If it’s a family member or friend you’re close with, then you are likely to come up with positive reasons for the behavior. “Maybe it’s a medical emergency”, “maybe they’re late for an important meeting”, and you might even call them to check in.

• If it’s your job’s CEO or an acquaintance you strongly dislike, then you are not likely to give them any leniency. You may take that one instance as representative of their whole character or to back up your preconceived notions of that person - labeling them as rude, uncaring, or hare-brained when they could be having an actual emergency.

* Note: this is not to say, always be impartial. Instead, be aware of when you are being partial, especially when conflict arises. There are good reasons for partiality, i.e. skill-based partiality or experience-based partiality.

In summary, keep partiality in perspective when a conflict between comrades occurs. Conceptually, try to swap out the people involved with those you favor and/or with those you do not favor and notice how your perspective changes. Try to treat your comrades fairly.

Avoid accusatory language; accusatory language seeks to blame or criticize someone and directly connect a person or group to a behavior as the reason why an incident occurred. When talking directly to someone, an example of accusatory language could be “you never listen to me” or “you always ignore me”. Relationship therapy knows these sentences as “You-messages”. Instead, it’s usually best to come from a place of your own thoughts and feelings. A good alternative to the accusatory statements above could be “I feel when I talk, I’m not being acknowledged, and that makes me feel dumb”. Relationship therapy knows these sentences as “I-messages”. Accusatory language tends to lead to more conflict. Accusatory language could make the subject more defensive and people with a defensive attitude are not likely to reflect on their behavior but instead give reasons as to why their behavior is valid or provide their own accusatory statements, which can cause further division in an organization especially when combined with partiality. I-messages tend to place those you are communicating with in a reflective or empathetic attitude. In summary, avoid You-messages or They-messages (for groups) and try to use more I-messages.

Set expectations for agreements; setting expectations helps in getting activities done in a timely manner and leads to more successful outcomes. Agreement is the acceptance of those expectations by your comrades. There is no harm in giving expectations to your fellow comrades. In a lot of ways, it is better to be clear about what you expect rather than feeling disappointed over an expectation you never communicated or an expectation that you never disputed. Setting expectations work both ways whether you are the one organizing an event/activity or are the one volunteering your time.

For example, say Person A wants to do a mass flyer tag campaign. If Person A wants this event to happen then they need to set expectations. Person A comes to the group and says “I want to host this event”: 

• “I expect the materials to cost $50, and I would like to crowdsource it from the group”

• “The flyers need to have information on current events, and I want 10 flyer versions with different designs”

• “Flyer design needs to be done in 2 weeks from now”

• “I need a group of 4-10 to participate in tagging and there is a risk of vandalism charges”

• “I plan to run the event at X location, in 3 weeks just before Y holiday to get a lot of exposure to holiday visitors”

Let’s say Person B wants to volunteer their time to design the flyers, but with the time they have they know they cannot make 10 different flyer designs within two weeks. Person B sets their own expectation with Person A and says, “I can get one original flyer design done in two weeks or I can find 10 pre-made flyers, but I won’t be able to make 10 original ones.” Person A acknowledges Person B and accepts and now they both have come to an agreement. Should Person B get sick or must work a bunch of overtime and finds meeting the agreement they set with Person A at risk, then Person B should immediately inform Person A.

In summary, be honest about what you expect and be realistic about what you can provide.

Aether, Outreach Volunteer.

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